Within the last six weeks I gave birth to a human, packed up a house, moved that house, unpacked that house (mostly), and tried to maintain some semblance of normalcy and consistency for a newborn and a toddler while my husband is busy with a new job and traveling for part of each week.
I have a postpartum checkup that I’m heading to later today and I’m curious about what my (new) doctor will say about all these changes happening at the same time. They seem to always ask you those questions: Are you feeling okay? Are you feeling blue? Are you feeling depressed?
And to be honest – I don’t know. I’ve felt some of those things at various times over the past 6 weeks. Had I not just had a newborn but had still undergone all of the other changes in our life, would I have felt these same feelings – probably….wouldn’t you? So I’m not sure how to separate it. Most days I feel really happy. Like honestly really happy. Am I more emotional than I usually am…sure. Do I cry when the baby WILL NOT STOP CRYING…um just did this morning. Does that mean I have postpartum depression or am I just stressed out? Regardless of whether it is postpartum depression or stress, it is starting to get harder for me to manage. Some of my friends have suggested to me about possibly taking some cannabis that should help me cope a little bit better, as they were in a similar situation and told me that it helped them. I think they said it was this website – (https://buymyweedonline.ca/) so I might give it a look when I get the chance to see if this is the best option for me. I think I’ll also have to look into websites to find certain marijuana products and accessories. For example, perhaps I’ll need something like this ash catcher for my cannabis use. But I think I will probably end up trying something else first, but it is good to know that there are different options out there that I can try.
What I do know is that I’m not a fan of taking a ton of medications. I’ll try more water, more exercise, more vitamins, more sleep (omg what is sleep), way before I’ll try medicine. But how do you know when you have postpartum depression. (PS: I hate when people call it postpartum blues…that’s a color ya’ll – not a definition of the way I feel when I don’t care to get out of bed all day).
Beck is a sweet baby. He eats well and normally sleeps well – although since we moved to Charlotte he seems to not sleep quite as well. I’ve been looking into getting a sleep consultant to put Beck (and me!) back on the right track to a normal night’s sleep. Cora loves Beck so bad and just explodes my heart every time she interacts with him. It’s been my favorite part about having a baby this time to see the two of them together.
Since Cora has gone through all of these changes too, she also seems to be dealing with some heightened feelings. She’s quicker to cry. Oftentimes seems to cry for no reason. She has defiantly stopped wanting to take naps, and has seemingly developed a whole buncha sass out of nowhere. Having her nanny down here has definitely helped (they are besties for sure), but I can tell that she is having a hard time dealing with all of these changes and it’s coming out the only way a toddler knows how to express emotions.
I’m 5 pounds away from where I was when I got pregnant, although I don’t look it yet. Postpartum you turn into what my friends and I call “shapes.” It isn’t YOUR shape, it’s just shapes. And I know that once I start exercising again I will FEEL better, most importantly, and then my shapes will slowly start turning back into a shape. My shape. But I’ve worked out once since we got to Charlotte, and since then I haven’t had the heart to start again.
My entire blog started out as a dedication to looking on the bright side and finding the beauty in everything life throws at you. I try to live this way – although at times it’s more difficult than others. I know that I will feel like myself again soon. I know that this will start to feel like home, and I’ll know where I put the iron, and Coco will start feeling comfortable in her new house, and we’ll make new friends and everything. But in the meantime I have to focus on the little victories – I got most of my work done. I did the laundry. I put on pants. I got outside.
So that’s where I’m at 6 weeks postpartum. If you’re feeling your postpartum feelings send me an email (firstname.lastname@example.org) or a DM on instagram. Let’s talk about it. You aren’t the only one who feels blah. And people don’t always talk about it but they should. It’s common and completely normal and I’m here and I love ya and mamas got to stick together.
XOXO – Em